Se7en Script

Se7en script.

Colin Farrell Sex Tape Transcript

?Below is the transcript of the Colin Farrell sex-tape. Easily the the most hilarious shit I have heard in a long time. I've highlighted a couple of the best parts for you. Nicole: (Giving him the camera) Here, you hold onto that. (She goes to television). Colin: (Pointing camera at own penis) I am putting this...(camera pans to Nicole's crotch)...right in there. (To Nicole) Come here, come here, pretty. N: Pretty! C: God, you're...as I said the other night, man, if a fucking camera could blush it would be fucking red because you are so fucking pretty. N: Really pretty! (unintelligible) Ok, now I'm putting on a video station. Ok. C: What are you watching, man? Judge fucking...? N: No! I'm trying to change the channel. C: Puttin' on some porn for us? N: (chipper) You want some porn? C: (yelling) I FUCKING LIVE ON PORN! What are you talking about? You're so sexy, you are so fucking sexy. Where's the zoom on this fucking piece of shit? You're fucking gorgeous (laughs). Baby, you're so fucking beautiful, man. N: Yes, my love. C: Aw, the battery's dead...so is my fucking cock. N: (coming towards him) Shut up. C: There it is. N: No, it's not. (The oral commences) C: Oh my God. Where's your lube? N: You want lube? C: Nah, you got me cock in your mouth. My God.

(Nicole stops the oral, she has a pubic hair in her mouth)C: Don't worry, we'll get rid of 'em.N: Yeah, you see that there?C: Yeah, okay, don't worry. We'll fucking lose them. (she continues) Whatever princess wants, princess fucking gets, let me tell you. Holy fuck, you're so fucking beautiful.N: (halts again, more pubic hair troubles) Damn you!C: You're just like...it's like you're going fishing for fucking pubes, man. You're just catching every fucking pube I have.N: I don't want to go fishing.C: By the end of this morning we won't need to shave me, there'll be none left...(she continues)...fuck...you are the sexiest motherfucker I have ever met...holy shit, I didn't know they made bastards as sexy as you, man. You are so fucking hot, baby...mmmmm.(She halts yet again, same problem)N: What the fuck? It's drenched in hair, baby.

C: There's so much fucking...(indecipherable Irishness)(She continues)C:...You're beautiful. Wait till you see yourself, how fucking sexy you are.(Heavy breathing/moaning)(Camera cut. Different angle, seconds later)C: (finding her in camera's view) Where is she? Oh my God...hey baby.N: Hi baby.(She gives him yet more oral)C: My God, you're so fucking beautiful, oh...my God.(moaning/breathing)(She pauses)C: Let me get inside of you.N: Okay.C: Get over here on the couch.N: You want me on the couch. (She goes to couch)

C: (indecipherable Irishness followed by his laughter) (Pans camera to own penis) This is for you, my baby.N: I have to take it in me.

C: My princess.N: Ah, God.(Begin La Sex)C: It's fucking in.N: Yeah, baby.C: Aw, fuck.N: Oh, God.(Moaning/Heavy breathing)C: Look at how fucking beautiful...(Moaning/Breathing gets substantially louder)N: Oh God, oh my God...oh...God...baby...fuck, oh shit...oh shit, oh fuck, oh God, oh God, oh God.(Moaning)N: Oh, my God.C: Oh, my God, you're so fucking beautiful. (They pause) (unintelligible)...me again, come here this way. (they change positions, go for gold)N: Oh, my God.(Moaning/Breathing)C: Oh, baby.(Moaning/Breathing)C: This is some of the shabbiest fucking photography in the history of fucking porn, but you know what? I could give a fuck...oh, baby. (They stop, he gives camera to her) Take this fucking...N: (finding Bullseye in frame) Mmmm, there he is. Oh, my God. (He goes down on her) Oh, my God. Here you are, oh, my God. Oh, my God. (moaning)Oh, my God. You're gonna enjoy this. (He pauses)C: I'm not enjoying this already, baby?N: You're gonna enjoy...

C: Holy fuck, man. Breakfast, lunch, and fucking dinner, right here. I'm not even fucking joking.

(He continues)N: Oh, my God.C: Mmmmmm.N: You need some angle shots right now...err...what do we gotta do? Oh, my God, you're gonna make me come. Can we film this? Okay, you know what? We should just set this thing down.C: Give me the fucking thing for a second. (He takes the camera, places it on table). Come here. (He continues his breakfast, lunch, and dinner)N: (unitelligible)...suck...(unintelligible)(Moaning)C: I just want to lick this dry.N: Oh...my God, Colin....your little wicked tongue. (Laughter)(He stops)C: That's the prettiest fucking pussy I've ever seen in my life.N: I hate it.C: Aw, man, you can't fucking say that! (incredulous) You hate it? You can't fucking hate that, girl. She's so beautiful, man. She's fucking gorgeous.N: She's so (unintelligible)C: What would you do? What would you snip? What would you fucking implant? Shut the fuck up.N: Nothing.C: It's beautiful...she's beautiful.N:...no...

C: She's a beautiful little flower.

N: Awwww. (He continues, she climaxes, they stop) You gotta brush your teeth. C: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do that shit. N: But you're just gonna have cum-mouth. (John Smith picks up camera, focuses on Nicole's white cat which is lounging on the floor next to porn magazines) C: I'm telling you, your pussy is just so fucking beautiful. Look at her. N: Let me see. C: Look at her. Look at your pussy, man. (Her obligatory laughter, he pans over) Okay, what do we do with this thing? What do we do with this thing, princess? N: What do you wanna do? You want to watch what we just did? C: Sure, and we can do it again! N: Yeah. C: God, so much fucking fun...alright, stop the...(camera cuts off)

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Underworld: Evolution

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As one might have guessed, Underworld Evolution is dreadful. The concept of blood drinking in cinema compared to all the available bad-guy horribleness is so lame that you have to juice it up with something else: make the vampire a good guy, like the TV show Angel, or set it in the future, or find some other way to twist it so that you have an edge. Something old and reliable for the less adventurous, but twisted to make it feel new. This is what Hollywood does best. So yes, this movie su- I mean this movie is no good. Not surprising, but people will go to see Beckinsale's ass and it will make money and almost everybody will be happy.

Technorati Tags : underworld, evolution, vampire, angel